February 22, 1997

It doesn't seem that long ago really. Everyone that I remind agrees.
13 years ago today I was in the hospital and had just given birth to my son. His name was Steven Patrick. I say "was" because two weeks later, he passed on into the spiritual world.

It used to be very hard for me to deal with today. I remember I would have to prepare myself prior to 2/22 and work on my strength days before this day was ever here, but today it's a bit different. It's as if today.....13 years later....I can wrap my head around the entire situation with no tears. No sorrow. Naturally, I still go thru the "what would he look like" moments, but it seems to all make sense.

My son came to me at a "fork in the road" time in my life. I was in love with his father who was my first love, and it only made sense that I woul spend my life with him. I had already planned my life out, but the Creator had something else in store for me. Funny how your plans are nothing compared to the Divine plans for your life.

So today, I think it best to speak on strength. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, and even knowing without a shadow of a doubt that regardless of the trials you have been thru in your past...YOU ARE STILL HERE FOR A REASON. I often wonder what my life would be like had my son not come and made me take that "right" when I was surely going to go "left." I wonder what life would be like had I not met Keya and Ivy and Stephanie and Erik and Jamicah and Myra and Krystal.....really most of you who follow my blog came into my life AFTER I took the "right" in the fork in the road. What if I had given up. It's almost comical now as I look back on my life, but many times after his death I did my best to give up....but some inner voice, something greater than myself would not allow it. When I would sit in darkness, as I did many times the two years afterward, something would whisper "it will all make sense one day. It's NOT your time to throw in the towel"...and I would find myself, the shadow of who I was, still pushing on thru.

I lost an innocent part of me during the two years after my son died. My smile seemed to grow dim, my laugh was not as loud....but I kept pushing thru. I remember my Nana would say to me all the time, "You may want to die, but if the Lord wants you here....you'll be here." And "here" I AM.

So instead of focusing on such a tragic loss in life, my spirit chose to look at LIFE and be thankful. I am so thankful for the inner strength that I was given. For the whispers that came upon deaf ears....for the understanding...for the firendships that developed....for the LOVE I witness.....for everything that died in me...only to be born again BETTER AND GREATER THAN BEFORE. I am thankful that I am here....and I am super thankful that my son helped me get here.

Never give up.
Never give up.
NEVER
EVER
EVER....
GIVE UP!

What looks like the end all be all today....is merely just the beginning of the birth of greatness tomorrow, and don't kid yourself, YOU ARE GREAT despite your current circumstance! Despite your current hardships. If you would just make a shift and turn that negative into a positive, you've already won!

LOVE & LIGHT