This moment

It's been forever....and I have grown by leaps and bounds. Sometimes life can't be written while you are in the midst of great lessons. Boy, have I been in a tidal wave of a new renaissance. Letting go and letting good. It would seem to the ignorant eye that I have been stripped of all my worldly possessions and left for dead...but I know better.My hands move on this keyboard as if they have never had the chance to assist me in telling more story. Not sure I have ever typed this fast before.
LOVE IS.

I AM headed into a new realm. Touching on the coat tails of greatness. Life is a beautiful thing, and every moment...with every breath I AM reminded how precious and wonderful this journey is. I give thanks for all the many great things, and people I have brought into my experience. I AM thankful for this moment. I AM thank for these lessons. I AM thankful just to be.

NAMELESS WHISPERS

Written 11 years ago.

NAMELESS WHISPERS

I can't speak your name what purpose would it serve, what would I gain? Yes, I see your name clearly in my mouth between my parted soft lips and my willingly wet tongue...oh it's there, but I can't speak your name.

You find that funny huh? Don't get it wrong. Don't get me confused - cause the reason you're thinking of just ain't true. It's deeper than that.

Second thought just creeped into my mind.

But it's deeper than that.

Third thought just creeped into my mind...

Nah, it still goes deeper. Why am I going through the motions? You know how deep it goes cause you're there too

But I still can't speak your name.

When we're out and about in life. You know, chillin with the homies, hangin with the fellas, coolin with our people of choice --I'll have headquarters on my side, and you ...the friend for the week.

I see you.

I see you.

Man, I see you.

And yeah I'll admit Sometimes my heart does stop. Breathing becomes difficult. My feet are glued and my eyes are fixed - and you don't even know it, but you won't hear it.

I still can't speak your name.

Are you feelin me? Come on secret are you even feelin me? Are your ears even open? Can you even stand to hear it? Can you?

Cause somewhere in the night I thought I heard it. It whispered itself over all that is me. Taking it's time with LOVE. Gentle breezes grabbing my attention in the blinding darkness. Sweetly crossing my face in an endless endeavor to tame the gateways of my soul. Shameless and whole.

Quivers of anticipation eject from my all, but not awaiting what others are thinking. Will others ever catch up to us? We're so way past sex, I'm talking soul......but nevertheless, you still can't hear it.

The whispers are still echoing around my neck, quivers still flowing from my soul, and I'm still. You've uncomplicated me in just one night and you aren't even past my neck....and you say you still can't hear it??

I'm not begging you with words to go any further, but damn don't stop. Discover what you will. Take what you want. Somewhere mixed up in that mystique that is you is my name etching itself in your heart. Darkness can't make you deaf.

How did it get in the air? Between your lips? All over you? God, you've penetrated through the walls, through the guards, through the gates, and I don't care how.......

Let's let the world in on our secret. Let's teach all what true LOVE is. Allow me to tell them who you are, and who you LOVE.

TRUTH OR DARE!

Listen.
I'm screaming it NOW.
Can you hear it?
Of course not.
Cause I still can't speak your name....

Victim or Victor

There are two people.....
The first finds them self in despair all the time. They judge themselves according to others thinking their lives are not where they should be....And every moment of every day seems to be painful. The world passes them by with no recognition of gifts, love, peace, or beauty. It is simply dark. Most times welcomed darkness. Nothing seems to go right. They are waiting for a BIG BANG to occur, a day where everything will suddenly disappear and all the wildest dreams will finally come true. They find themselves continuously on their knees asking debilitating questions like "Why is this happening to me?" "What did I do wrong?" feeling that they are constantly being tested. They dangerously stare upon the past and think upon their shoulda, woulda, coulda's all the time, consistently beating themselves up for the things they seemed to have missed. Their smiles are few and far between, never really sincere but rather forced. The whole world around them seems to be better off, and when they find that one person to listen to their pain they recount all of the ways that the world has hurt them. The person on the other end feeds into their negativity and "understands" exactly what they are going through and does their best to both sympathize & empathize with the person. Pitying them.

The second wakes up with a smile. They walk up to their window in the morning and their first thought is to give thanks for the beauty they witness. They notice every little thing from the trees that dance in the radiant sunlight, to the sun that sings a glorious song. They are filled with LOVE, not from any one person....but from a greater SOURCE. Their words are kind, and they smile at the magic that is life. They may have awaken on the wrong side of the bed, reflecting briefly on yesterday's lessons but realize that they are today's champion. They walk in the LIGHT, giving thanks with every step they take. They do not believe in living by default. They do not rely on anyone else for happiness. They happily set down their violin, and begin to sing a Harmonious SONG of LIFE. They are cautious of the power of thought, of the power of negativity and stop it in it's tracks. When they contact friends and family they do their best to lift them up, and to remind them that they are great! Life is great. They choose LIFE! They do not live in fantasy, fear or even illusion. They make no excuses. They simply choose a luminous path, and take the first step, and then the next...and then the next.....until they are on autopilot giving the world beneath their wings momentum.......

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize which of these two people has made the better choice. However, now that you are aware of the choices....which will you make? Want my advice? Let the second person be your example. Surround yourself with the LIGHT of the SOURCE, put a smile on your face and take the first step....then the next....and then the next........that's all you have to do!

Here's wishing you the most FANTABULOUS day ever!
Soni

Turn that Frown Upside Down

There is no time to focus on lack, anger, attack, or FEAR.

REMEMBER, miracles happen every moment of every day. Who has time to devote to "illusions" of negativity when there is so much to be THANKKFUL for? Not me, that's for sure. We should be finding ourselves saying "Thank You" for all of the things that make LIFE so GRAND. The sun shinning on our faces, the ability to hear birds chirping in the distance, the white noise that is traffic.....sight, feeling, hope, and LOVE.

Be aware of your focus. Are you giving more energy to the negatives in your life? Are you fueling an argument with debilitating questions and answers, or are you understanding of the fact that every "attack of anger" is nothing short of a cry for help or rather a cry out for LOVE! Do you answer attack with attack, or do you answer attack with LOVE. Because if you choose the latter, you will find that the arguments and attack will cease because LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It keeps no record of wrong doing. How could it? It is synonymous for God....neither can be contradicted.

Spend time with yourself today to realize your focus, and if it appears that the "negative" is winning over the "positive"....wouldn't NOW be the time to switch that all around? I sure do think so!

Let GO! And LET GOOD!

Here's wishing you a day to be in CONTROL with a SMILE!
LOVE & LIGHT

YOU ARE LOVE

"Teach Only Love, for that is WHAT YOU ARE!" - A Course in Miracles

It makes no sense to be afraid of Love. In 1 Corinthians it states "Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." Any of these three could have been chosen, and many may ask why faith wasn't the greatest over love. If you are still viewing love as most humans do, you most likely are completely confused as to why it was chosen.

You must understand that YOU ARE LOVE, nothing else. The Creator is synonymous with love, and being created in His image, how could you NOT be as well.

This world is filled to the brim with what I call the "HYPE." People feel the need to get and take and to have more than your brother. More money. More land. More women. More men. More clothes...MORE, MORE, MORE.....Sharing, helping, giving, listening....these do not fall in with the "hype" because the "hype" is only concerned with "getting" and being selfish, when Love is about "letting" and being compassionate. However in the end, what do you really have besides missed opportunities that someone else seized and a heart full of regret?

We've assigned our own "human" definition to LOVE, which by no means makes it what it truly is, only what we "want" it to be. This is why we end up experiencing another illusion of pain. This why most are "afraid" of love. NO DEFINITION can be assigned to LOVE but the definition the Ineffable assigned to it. Assign to it any other, and you have created another illusion to be conquered.

Remember always that:
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is NOT boastful, rude, proud nor jealous
Love does NOT demand it's own way
It is not irritable
LOVE DOES NOT KEEP A RECORD OF WRONG DOING
It does not rejoice about injustice but REJOICES whenever the TRUTH WINS OUT
LOVE NEVER GIVES UP
LOVE NEVER LOSES FAITH
It is always hopeful and endures through EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE!
LOVE IS ALL ENCOMPASSING, just as The Source is ALL ENCOMPASSING.

Make no mistake when you feel LOVE, you will feel an immeasurable amount of joy that you will not, in any way , be able to hide from the world. It will show in all you do, in all you say, and in all you are. How can this be fearful?

This is the true definition of love, and so the true definition of who you are. Search your mind, and remember your greatness!

Here's wishing you a day of LOVE.
LOVE & LIGHT
Soni

MORNING TEXT....I BELIEVE

Gone is the time of stagnation, IT'S TIME TO MOVE! To gladly enter the next phase of ur life & MAKE THINGS HAPPEN-U TRULY HAVE THE POWER TO! U may delay as long as you'd like, but why? The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. GET UP! ITS TIME TO CLIMB! There's work to be done!

I acknowledge who you are and what you can be. I wish to ignite the circuits of your HIGHEST POTENTIAL!
You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself to be! These are not merely words, its TRUTH! There are no limits, no time restraints, nothing u can't do. But I can only "ignite" this potential, its up to u to GET UP & PRAY UP & STAY UP!! U CAN DO ANYTHING U PUT YOUR MIND TO!!!!

Don't be defeated when things don't go your way. Instead, give THANKS that a BETTER plan will unfold for you, & in the meantime u've been given time to GROW. Learn to be thankful for the bad just as you are for the good, & your life will change before your very eyes! The moment u realize u are a CHAMPION will be the moment u truly begin to LIVE!!! NOW LET'S GET IT!!!!

Meaning doesn't lie in things. MEANING LIES IN US! When we attach meaning to things that aren't LOVE, the $,the house, the prestige, we are attaching it to 'things that CAN'T LOVE US BACK!' Why search for meaning in the meaningless? Material things in themselves mean NOTHING. Its not that they're bad, they just mean NOTHING. But u, u mean everything!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more, denial into acceptance, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success & the unexpected into perfect timing. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates tomorrow's vision. To speak gratitude is pleasant, but to LIVE GRATITUDE IS TO TOUCH HEAVEN!



Its time for u to be true to yourself. To stop living up to the world's standards & definition of who u are. This world needs your LIGHT! Let go of the negatives. Say goodbye to the naysayers. Build a life that you are proud of, a life of goodness & peace. Live in HOPE & the LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES. STEP INTO GRATITUDE & Be able to look back, & smile on your creations.

Don't lower your goals to the level of your abilities. Instead, raise your abilities to the height of your goals. "Mindset" is the name of the game! If you think you can - YOU WILL! (Its really that simple)

There's only 1 person who owes u anything is this world, & its U! U owe it to yourself to BELIEVE that u will succeed in all the good u do. Believe that everything u need will be provided. Believe in who u are,the LOVE u are surrounded by, & all the magnificent things u deserve. Take nothing & no one for granted! Step out on faith & know that everything u've ever imagined is just waiting on u to tap into that higher frequency & BELIEVE

Those that have not, ASK NOT! U deserve all the goodness your heart ever dreamt of, but maybe the reason it hasn't manifested in your life is because u simply haven't put in your request. Stop holding YOURSELF back!Decide what it is u want~Believe it should be yours~then Expect it to show up & it will because its the DIVINE LAW! U are worth your dreams!So what are u waiting for? ASK!

Morning Text ....BE YOU

The majority of people find themselves in huge trouble becuz they took a step which they felt was right, but was 100% irrelevant to the occasion. Learn to be still & LISTEN to what is always & will always be TRANSMITTED to u. Just turn around & make a new choice in this new moment! U are who u are from your past, but u will be what u WANT to be from the CREATION of your future, which is in your hands!

Hard words can't touch a soft heart, but soft words can touch a hardened heart. What men & women need is encouragement. Instead of always harping on a mans faults, tell him of his virtues


Honor another person today. Let a beautiful person be beautiful. Let a strong person be strong. Let an intelligent person be intelligent. Let a beloved person be beloved. Let me be me & LET U BE U, unbound by another person's envy, but rather let your very essence shine through!

Opportunities multiply as they are seized; they die when neglected. The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice. We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves. Conditions are never just right. People who delay until all factors are favorable. ..DO NOTHING- BUT NOT U!!! CARPE DIEM (SIEZE THE DAY!!!)!!!

Morning Text ... I AM

Life should be effortless. A flower does not struggle to unfold in the rays of the sun, so y do u struggle to unfold in the rays of GOD'S LIMITLESS LOVE? If u struggle,its becuz u are resisting the GREATNESS that is u for a life less ordinary- & u never meant to be ordinary. So learn to LET GO & work w/ a HIGHER POWER and sit back as you become the Divine flower of your life!

We are not creatures of circumstance - we are CREATORS of circumstance. The purpose of life is to live it! To taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly & without fear for newer & richer experience! The spiritual life does not remove us from the world, but leads us deeper into it!

Believing in yourself is extremely important. No one on the planet will care about you becoming what you dream of more than you. You are the decision maker of what becomes of your life. You have the power! Begin to plant seeds of LIGHT, so you're able to reap a bountiful harvest!

Today is the day I plant a thousand seeds of light! Today is the day I reap a thousand blessings from previous days of planting seeds of delight! Today is the day I count my blessings throughout the day and night! Today I climb the stairway to Heaven with gratitude for the increasingly bountiful heights!

What could u not accept, if u but knew that everything that happens, all events past, present, & to come, are gently planned by One whose only purpose is your good? When u have learned how to decide with God, all decisions become as easy & as right as breathing. There is no effort, & u will be led as gently as if u were being carried down a quiet path in summer. - A Course in Miracles

Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny- he has something to fulfill, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. U are not here accidentally- you are here meaningfully. There is purpose behind you. The SOURCE intends to do something thru YOU!

Make a gift of your life & lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving & compassionate at all times in all places & under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give

U must not let your life run in the ordinary way; do something that nobody else has done, something that will dazzle the world. Show that Gods creative principle works in u!

How can the sky be the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?

Morning Text....I LOVE

As we become purer channels 4 God's light, we develop an appetite for the sweetness that is possible in this world. A miracle worker is not geared toward fighting the world that is, but toward creating the world that could be. As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.

Appreciate life itself, even if its not a bed of roses. Contentment is not the fullfillment of what u wish for, but APPRECIATION of what u have! Don't see others as doing better than u. Beat your own records everyday & u will surely find success! Remember success is merely a battle between YOU & YOURSELF!

The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person u were intended to be. Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites u. The more u praise & celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become. Breathe. Let go. & remind yourself that this very moment is the only one u know u have for sure.

I want you to be EVERYTHING that's you, deep at the center of your being! - Confusius

"The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want. And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself. And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself. And the only way to be yourself is to listen to your heart". - Mike Dooley

"Now if u are going to win any battle u have to do one thing -MAKE THE MIND RUN THE BODY! NEVER let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will ALWAYS give up. It is always tired morning, noon, & night. But the body is never tired if the MIND is not tired. When U were younger the mind could make U dance all night, & the body was never tired..You've GOT TO make the MIND TAKE OVER & keep going." - George S. Patton

MORNING TEXT.....

Feel that U have something to give because U do. Assume that the people U are to play with will show up because they will. U think of yourselves as humans searching for a spiritual awakening, when in fact U are spiritual beings attempting to cope with a human awakening. Seeing yourselves from the perspective of the spirit within will help U to remember why U came here & what U came here to do.

If u are criticizing, u are not being grateful. If U are blaming,U are not being grateful. If U are complaining, U are not being grateful.If U are in a bad mood, U are not being grateful. Gratitude can & WILL transform your life. Are you allowing minor things to get in the way of your transformation & the life U deserve? Good/bad/big or small - Say 'thank u!' Begin there & your end result will be mind blowing!

Work with this question thru out the day: WHO ARE YOU REALLY? Are u your past? Are u your pain? Are u you're defeats? Are u unworthy? Or are you a Victor? Are u timeless? Are u sustainable, impenetrable, divinely resilient? WHO ARE U REALLY ?I KNOW WHO U ARE, BUT DO U? (Its time to do the work)

Obstacles cannot crush u. Don't just read this sentence, believe it, repeat it throughout the day. No one can keep u from an abundant life but YOU. So stop doubting & starting beliving in your greatness! No more holding back. Get excited & believe that all good is yours to take & share!Remember your words become your life, so speak opportunity into existence & it will show up for u!

How can one become enlightened? One can, because one is enlightened - one just has to recognize the fact.- OSHO

There are no evil forces in the world. There are only people of awareness, & people who are fast asleep -- & sleep has no force. The whole energy is in the hands of the awakened people. One awakened person can awaken the whole world. One lighted candle can make millions of candles lighted without losing it's light. - OSHO

If u are criticizing, u are not being grateful. If U are blaming,U are not being grateful. If U are complaining, U are not being grateful. If U are feeling tension,u are not being grateful.If U are in a bad mood, U are not being grateful. Gratitude can transform your life. Are you allowing minor things to get in the way of your transformation & the life U deserve?

The whole world is a cyclone,but once u have found the center the cyclone disappears. This nothingness is the ultimate peak of consciousness. The effort of JESUS was to simply UNDO that which "SOCIETY" has done to u, to be able to live to your HIGHEST POTENTIAL- UR GREATEST DIVINITY. So how will u seize the day? What will u UNLEARN today? There's work to be done! Wake up- uve been sleeping!

What is waiting to be birthed in you? What are you holding yourself back from? DROP LAZINESS, COMPLACENCY, & THESE "GET ME BY" PRAYERS! Rediscover your Divinty & dare to THINK BIG! DO THE WORK- no one can do it for u! Stop waiting around in fear. RISE UP & RESSURECT the INFINITE SOURCE WITHIN peacefully waiting to be remembered. You have everything u need inside of u! Now get out there & show life WHAT U GOT!

from the HEART

Things have been turned upside down in my life recently, but all for the greater good. I asked for a new job "helping people, able to give back" and I received just that. I am thankful. Life has become very clear for me here recently, and all the bad has been shifted...to simply be periods of growth for me. I still have work to do....I still study.....it's just that it is a bit easier for me to put the knowledge I have learned into action.

Funny how life has changed so drastically. How life is more like it should be, and I AM more like 'myself'. I AM thankful.

Take time to do the work. To realize how blessed you are right now...right where you are....don't wish for me until you have fully learned to be thankful for what you now have. Live. Let live. Help live.
Rise above the negative...the low and the despair...and remember who you are...
DIVINE!

:-)

I've really been pondering on how we are all ON PURPOSE. these past couple of weeks, some extraordinary things have occured in my life, and I am speechless at just how the SOURCE lines things up to work out in our favor.

When you begin to understand who you are and who the SOURCE is, away from the dogma & rhetoric, you begin to understand that YOU can and should do nothing on your own. You must side with the Source in all that you do, and the minute this decision is made this EASE comes over every choice you ever make.

This journey has been phenomenal. I often find myself saying aloud "I can't do this one, YOU do it. Please." and the situation is handled as if I am merely being taken on a ride of sorts. A joyful ride.

Remember miracles happen everyday, and when they don't something has gone wrong. Begin looking upon every single movement in your life as a miracle, then sit back and enjoy the ride!

LOVE & LIGHT
Sonia

WAKE UP - YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING

Why should we think upon things that are lovely? Because thinking determines life. It is a common habit to blame life upon the environment. Environment modifies life but does not govern life. The soul is stronger than its surroundings.
William James

Don't let your thoughts be your prison. They can so easily take over, and act as a parasite that is controlling your body, but there is a catch. YOU CONTROL YOUR MIND, IT DOES NOT CONTROL YOU. Getthis down into your spirit. REALLY wrap your head around this statement. The moment is becomes clear, your life begins to change. Peace of mind becomes yours. Controlling your thoughts....controlling your mind has been another one of your birthrights since the beginning of time. I have said it so many times before, but you are NOT a victim - YOU ARE A CREATOR! I often wonder if people think that I am just saying these things just to "sound" motivational.....just to bring a smile to someone's face, but it's quite the opposite....You may not smile everyday, your life may not change immediately...it will not be easy by human measurements...but I PROMISE....when you learn TRUTH ...the TRUTH about who you are, and WHO created you...not the dogma you were taught in your home or in church or at any altar....WHEN YOU LEARN WHO YOU ARE....EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE. You will begin to smile often,walk in gratitude, LOVE EVERYONE unconsitionally...YOU WILL WAKE UP from the dangerous nightmare AND FINALLY TAKE YOUR FIRST BREATH!
And I'll be waiting for you!
LOVE & LIGHT
Sonia

Negativity - The REAL Beast

Negativity only begts more negativity. LIFE IS NOT IN RECESSION, so it's time to break free from these chains. This learned negative behavior is the cement that will you hold you underwater while you are trying to reach the surface. YOU MUST turn it loose.

Shift your thoughts, and you can truly change your life! It's really that simple....

IT'S TIME TO BREAK FREE!
IT'S TIME TO LIVE!

Ain't no punch line to that! LIVE NOW!

LOVE & LIGHT

GIVE of YOURSELF

Gratitude is so important. I speak on it so much, because it is the very thing that will bring more into your life. To be thankful for all the many blessings you NOW have is utterly important. I am thankful for all of the LOVE I feel (literally) from you. I am thankful that you guys keep me on my toes with writing (Keya was responsible for this one)...I am thankful for LOVE & LIGHT and everything in between including the darkness.

I sent out a text message yesterday talking about giving back. It read:
"Don't be one of the "takers" of the world. You're not here to take, or to be consumed with "THINGS"...NO. You are here to give, to 'be in service, to help your 'brothers' by sharing your gift to the world. Be aware of this & help someone whole hearted, even if all you can offer is an open ear and a smile."

It's important that we don't go around with this human mentality that everything is ours for the taking. That's a huge lie in our world. The truth is,EVERYTHING IS YOURS FOR THE GIVING! To have all is to give all away. You will not flourish in life by hoarding. You will not flourish in life by having a "mine" mentality. That was never any of our purpose.
You are so special, equipped with a certain gift that this world needs at this time. You can not share that gift if you are continuously consumed with losing anything. Everything you will or could ever need is already yours. YOU WILL BE SUSTAINED in giving. You may be moved around, shifted to where you are needed, and this may seem like a trial, but trials are merely lesson that you neglected to learn the first time around. They are brought back to you so that with the new knowledge you absorb, you are able to make a new choice.

Just be thankful for it all. The good, the bad, and the in between. You are capable of shifting any bad situation into something good if you so choose. Life was never meant to be this hard uphill battle no matter what you once believed. Life was meant to be abundant, and abundance was meant to be shared. So reach out to another, and give something of yourself. Whether it's financial support, forgiveness, a smile, or an open ear....just give something. And when that moment of giving is over...give again and again, and watch how your life is taken to a whole new level of greatness.

YOU ARE A BRINGER OF LIGHT! The moment you realize it, the brighter you will shine.

Don't believe me, just try it and see for yourself.

LOVE & LIGHT

Secrets of the Heart

Love here in the human form is a crazy thing. We "fall" in and we "fall" out...and there are no rules. No handbook to get you through. Sometimes I wish there were. Sometimes I wish there was a 12 step manual to show you the way.

For as long as I can remember....even back to my first "love"....no man that I have ever loved has been "ready" for me. I've always been 10 steps ahead of men when it comes to how I love. The thing is that I've never known what it was about me that frightened them so much until now. I remember saying all the time that no matter what the circumstance was for my break-ups, I could not and would not allow this world to change me in any way. Especially when it comes to the love that I have to give. It's so unconditional and so selfless, and so strong that it rarely is reciprocated.

Now as I am under going this spiritual journey, I understand that it was never me. I understand that I am and will continue to stand strong on the premise that LOVE is me. Just as it is you and everyone. It makes my heart smile to know that even when I didn't know what was so "different" about the way I LOVE that I never allowed myself to be changed. Scarred so much that I was incapable of allowing another in.

Now the "pain" I feel as a result of continuously losing people because they are not "ready" for me is a different story. This is a new part of my discovery. It gets very lonely on this road at times, but even still I MUST stay the course.

I was talking to my mother earlier and was explaining to her that I feel "crazy" almost because I am still "in love" with someone I said good bye to a while ago. I explained that I feel almost "stupid" for keeping myself in this place, but my feet won't move. In my younger days, it never hurt this bad, or lasted this long and now it's uncharted territory. Something so new. Something I have to learn to get through. I think I have been doing a good job of disguising my true feelings, and then at other times I feel like the biggest failure. It's really even funny that I am posting this about my true feelings because I feel so bad I am almost ashamed at still being in this place. I just can't explain this overwhelming feeling that we are just not done. That there is more to be written. This relationship was just so different from the rest, and I am aware that that is cliche to say, but it was. There was so much peace and joy. So many laughs and so much communication, and just like that it was gone. FEAR of me stopped it in it's tracks, and I remain baffled at how he was strong enough to just walk away when it was so good. Even when we speak briefly now there is so much energy shared between simple words....it's mind blowing....but still we are nothing.

I've even tried to date other people, and then when I involve the Source in my decision they vanish. I am quite THANKFUL for that however lonely I may get.

One of my bff's sent me an India Irie cd when I was going through a very hard time with an ex of mine. It was a very tumultuous relationship filled with a ton of abuse, both mental and physical. However, he deserves no energy on page only forgiveness.The song went like this:

"I've been learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes. The more I learn, the less I understand..and all the things I thought I knew I have to learn again. I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my heart seems to shatter...but I know it's about FORGIVENESS. Even if, you don't LOVE me anymore."

I think that sums it up.

When I'm alone in my room at night, and the tears begin to flow and I can feel his arms wrap around me....when I can smell his skin next to mine....and I laugh through the tears ......I forgive.When our many favorite songs come across my ipod, I FORGIVE. When thoughts of him consume my mind....I FORGIVE. No matter how long it takes, I will continue to forgive. That's all I can do, but it's so much, and it's within my power to do...and so I will.

LOVE & LIGHT

YOU have what it takes.....

They say that Motivation is like bathing.....it must be done daily. When you think about it like that it seems to make better sense.

We as a species have to do a better job of motivating ourselves. Rising up, like a Phoenix to hit the ground running happy and full of energy. We shouldn't wait around for others to motivate us, they will simply be lighting a dim light....but it's up to us to carry the torch.

Focus less on the negative and more on the positive. List all the many things that you are thankful and grateful for to begin to shift your mind's state. Look up quotes. Share them. We are here to be in service. Find some books that speak to your soul. We are here to lift others up as high as we are. WE ARE NOT HERE TO GET HIGH, WE ARE HERE TO GET FREE. And so every moment of everyday we should be filled to the brim with goodness and hope, and we should share those feelings with all those around us.

Motivation doesn't have to be hard, it just has to be done. Anything in life will be what you say it will be. The sooner you are able to wrap your head around that statement, the sooner your life will become abundant and a joy to live.

As we embark upon these daily adventures, we must motivate ourselves to pull the positive out of ALL situations. We must be a vessel of LIGHT. Leaders. Warriors of hope. We were given "strong" shoes for our difficult situations, so we were never abandoned...never lab rats.....never tested.....never "tried".... we are in control of the lives we lead.


Feel JOY.
Feel LIGHT.
Feel HOPE.
Feel ABUNDANCE.
Feel SUPERIOR.
Feel VICTORIOUS.
Feel the motivation coursing through every fiber of your being.


LET GO of the feelings you learned in the past that haven't served you well, AND FEEL GOOD about this very moment. Then when you get these feelings deep inside, way down into your soul...SHARE THEM WITH OTHERS.

That's all you have to do. Don't wait for someone else to lift you up. They may very well need you to lift them up. Be the captain of your own ship. The master of your own plan. You were given EVERYTHING you need to be the best you can by the SUPREME SOURCE of the Universe. Now all you have to do is BELIEVE it to be true, and SO IT IS!

LOVE & LIGHT

February 22, 1997

It doesn't seem that long ago really. Everyone that I remind agrees.
13 years ago today I was in the hospital and had just given birth to my son. His name was Steven Patrick. I say "was" because two weeks later, he passed on into the spiritual world.

It used to be very hard for me to deal with today. I remember I would have to prepare myself prior to 2/22 and work on my strength days before this day was ever here, but today it's a bit different. It's as if today.....13 years later....I can wrap my head around the entire situation with no tears. No sorrow. Naturally, I still go thru the "what would he look like" moments, but it seems to all make sense.

My son came to me at a "fork in the road" time in my life. I was in love with his father who was my first love, and it only made sense that I woul spend my life with him. I had already planned my life out, but the Creator had something else in store for me. Funny how your plans are nothing compared to the Divine plans for your life.

So today, I think it best to speak on strength. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, and even knowing without a shadow of a doubt that regardless of the trials you have been thru in your past...YOU ARE STILL HERE FOR A REASON. I often wonder what my life would be like had my son not come and made me take that "right" when I was surely going to go "left." I wonder what life would be like had I not met Keya and Ivy and Stephanie and Erik and Jamicah and Myra and Krystal.....really most of you who follow my blog came into my life AFTER I took the "right" in the fork in the road. What if I had given up. It's almost comical now as I look back on my life, but many times after his death I did my best to give up....but some inner voice, something greater than myself would not allow it. When I would sit in darkness, as I did many times the two years afterward, something would whisper "it will all make sense one day. It's NOT your time to throw in the towel"...and I would find myself, the shadow of who I was, still pushing on thru.

I lost an innocent part of me during the two years after my son died. My smile seemed to grow dim, my laugh was not as loud....but I kept pushing thru. I remember my Nana would say to me all the time, "You may want to die, but if the Lord wants you here....you'll be here." And "here" I AM.

So instead of focusing on such a tragic loss in life, my spirit chose to look at LIFE and be thankful. I am so thankful for the inner strength that I was given. For the whispers that came upon deaf ears....for the understanding...for the firendships that developed....for the LOVE I witness.....for everything that died in me...only to be born again BETTER AND GREATER THAN BEFORE. I am thankful that I am here....and I am super thankful that my son helped me get here.

Never give up.
Never give up.
NEVER
EVER
EVER....
GIVE UP!

What looks like the end all be all today....is merely just the beginning of the birth of greatness tomorrow, and don't kid yourself, YOU ARE GREAT despite your current circumstance! Despite your current hardships. If you would just make a shift and turn that negative into a positive, you've already won!

LOVE & LIGHT

FOR KYLE - thank you for the encouragement

I send out a morning text message on a daily basis, and sometimes I get pretty drained while deciding what the right message is to send out to the 26...and counting....people that I contact first thing in the morning. Sometimes, as a result, my blog is neglected.

A great friend and "brother" of mine that I met during a "mission" with the M.O.V.E.M.E.N.T (www.myspace.com/thepplsm.o.v.e.m.e.n.t) named Kyle corresponds with me on email. He contacted me today and asked where my new post was. LOL. I felt a little bad. A lot of times, I don't think that people even really follow this thing. It feels good to know that they do. Keeps me on my toes.

At this very moment, I am super exhausted. Sleep has not been a friend of mine for about the past week. I don't know. Many times the Source is transmitting and I am just not listening. I have been waking up at around 4am and staying up. I do my meditation and prayer work.....and I believe that today it has caught up with me.

BUT I STILL GOT A MESSAGE. I'd like to share with you the text that I sent out today. It is as follows:

Drop the idea of becoming "somebody." You are already a masterpiece. You are a fearless spiritual being able to create the greatest human experience you choose to have. I declare you victorious and courageous. Abundant and sustained! Fearless in all you do! You are the rhyme and the reason. You can be nothing less, you need only to embrace your power and believe!

Yea, I know...it's pretty long. However, some days I don't feel it's long enough. I just want the world to be aware of the power within them. No ONE IS POWERLESS, and so no one should feel as if this is their lot in life and that they have no control over what happens to them.

You are creating yourself every moment of everyday. It doesn't matter if you believe that, because it is a truth that can not be taken away. So today I say, rise up and use your power to create the best you you can be!

LOVE & LIGHT

Birds of a Feather

You've all heard the saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Well it's true. Think about it. When you are around your friends and they are angry, you become angry at their situation and project your anger onto the person they are angry with. I'm not sure why we have a belief that if we agree with their anger, they will somehow feel better. Really when you think about it, it makes absolutely NO SENSE. All we are doing when we add our "thought" with those who are angry, negative, disappointed etc... is fueling the fire of an illusion.

Don't get me wrong, hard times will come. However, is there really comfort in having someone join you in your misery? Are you growing when your friends agree that you should be livid? What do you really get from of this?

I've been abundantly blessed with friends who don't just agree with me for the sake of agreeing. They've always been pretty honest with me, and most times when I'm feeling down, they do their best to lift me up. If I have only fifty cents left to my name, they add another fifty cents so I'll have $1.

It's so important for us to surround ourselves with people who will celebrate you NO MATTER WHAT. People who can see their way through any hardship, and instead of asking debilitating questions such as "why did this happen to me?" (like we all have done so many times before) they ask "what am I to learn from this?" And thus turn a negative into a positive.

It's a new day! A new year! There is new hope and bliss just lingering around you. take advantage! Survey your life and the people within. REALLY LOOK! Let no one be exempt from this. You may have to let some people go. You may have to be stronger for the weak ones in your life. Whatever the case, don't be afraid to stand on the grounds of hope and happiness. It may not be necessary for you to exclude people from your life, but it is vital that you exclude negativity. After all, negativity is contagious...but so is HOPE! So is HAPPINESS! So is SUCCESS! So is LOVE! SO is REAL LIVING!

Find some dreamers to surround yourself with. People who will build you up and celebrate your victories....even when you don't see them yourself. Find people who will celebrate you in all of your splendor and glory. And for those who lag behind, BE THEIR EXAMPLE.

I believe in you!

LOVE & LIGHT

THE CHOSEN ONE!

This morning I ran across this quote

"Each time you remember the truth of who you are, you bring more light into the world."
and it spoke volumes to my heart! EACH TIME YOU REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE....who you TRULY are, you bring more light into this world, that would otherwise be extremely dim.

So what does it mean? To me, it means that who you are, to your core...who you were created to be is exactly what this world needs at this point in time. It is NO coincidence that you are a part of this world, this continent, this time. You have been placed in exactly the right place at the right moment. In essence, THIS IS YOUR TIME! This is what you were created for! No matter your present circumstance, no matter the trials and tribulations you feel you go through, there is something so extraordinarily needed from you. THE WORLD has been waiting just for YOU! Now that's got to make you feel GREAT! It's got to reach something on the inside!

Without you, this world would not be the same. Perhaps without YOU, some cataclysmic disaster would occur just because your existence was no where to be found. Bless in that! Bless in the fact that you are unique. THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU! Absolutely NO ONE who could bring your gifts into this world. You are an original. One of a kind. BRILLIANT and extraordinary in every way, no matter your faults. YOU ARE CHOSEN.

This also means that NO ONE has power over you. You have only a choice....will you be who you were created to be? Or will you fall "victim" (a word I despise) to this world. Will you be brave enough to stand alone on certain principles? Will you be strong enough to stand up for what is right? Will you have faith enough to KNOW you create your life, YOU create your destiny? Or will you wallow in your sorrows and despair?

So now that you understand that, it's time to get on your job. It's time to be YOU, and make no apologies for doing so. It's time to GROW. To achieve the impossible. To do away with all of these man made laws and become the best YOU that you can be! YOU have the power, being created in the image of the Creator....you have the power to create! You are co-creator with the Divine. You're not, nor have you ever been "normal" or "average".....YOU ARE BEYOND A CONQUEROR! And it is time to stand up, and simply BE YOU!

LOVE & LIGHT

FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL

FEAR is a funny thing. The acronym used to describe the reality of F.E.A.R is "FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL." It can be describe like so. Remember the "bogeyman". That childhood monster that lived either in your closet or under your bed, who only appeared when you were all alone in the dark. Some nights your parents would have to come into your bedroom, cut on the lights , and look in all of the places that frightened you. That would calm you down for a moment. However, the older you became, the more you realized that the "figures" you saw in the night were nothing more than the shadows of the things in your bedroom. The "idea" that you had created of this evil character really only existed in your mind, and the older you became the less energy that character received.....until eventually the character just vanished and became this huge joke.

FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL

Life can be like that sometimes. We seem to find these "bogeymen" everywhere we turn. We make things so much more bigger in our minds than they really are. When adversity strikes, we surround ourselves in darkness, and oftentimes forget that we are powerful beyond measure. POWERFUL beyond belief, if we would only stretch our wings an fly.

After all, the "bogeyman" doesn't really exist....So cut the lights back off, and go to sleep.

LOVE & LIGHT

BE

Be aware. Walk around PAYING ATTENTION to the "signs" in your way. Take notice of the world around you. The colors, the brilliance, the love. See the good, and BE able to release the bad. BE kind. BE patient. Help someone less fortunate than you. Even with simple things. BE able to smile at a stranger, even when they have a permanent frown swung across their face. BE available to help, BE willing to help. This world needs you. BE courageous to BE you. You were born an original, don't BE so fearful that you die a copy. Don't BE concerned with society and it's standards. BE intelligent enough to understand that they aren't real. BE open to change and movement. BE brilliant. BE happy. How could you not BE? You were born happy, not weary because you were born in "sin"....you were programmed from the start, BE awake enough to BE able to UNLEARN.BE consistent. BE accountable for your actions. BE who you say you are. BE ALIVE! With open arms, invite LIGHT into your every movement, you're every step. BE luminous. BE AMAZING. BE GREAT. BE YOU.
JUST BE.

LOVE & LIGHT

Anger

Anger is a nasty little thing, hurting only the person who is angry. I've always been quick to become upset with someone....and even quicker to hold on to a grudge. Funny how people are praised and even justified in their anger. That's just how powerful anger is. It can turn people into monsters. It can cloud your judgement. It can pull you in like no body's business.

I get angry with people. I'm not immune to this, but now I do my best to see clearly through the situation as to not stay angry for a long period of time. I've learned that through releasing angry I am able to sleep better. To cope better. To really just live better. Nothing derives from anger but more anger and in the end that's really NOTHING.

Today, I prefer to release the anger I've held onto consciously and subconsciouly. People in this world owe me nothing. Holding onto a grudge doesn't bond them with me or keep them close....I'd prefer to let it all go.

After all, I like to sleep soundly.

LOVE & LIGHT

Change

They say that change is the only constant in LIFE. Today is when that constant has appeared in mine. I never ever thought that a day like today would exist. I'm not sad. I'm not crying, or in pain.....just really ready for the next phase in my life.

10 years ago I fell in love with this kid in college. Seems like just yesterday we were in the parking lot of the library talking....and discovering. Crazy how it all started from a very insignificant phrase, but I am thankful for the experience. It was a whirlwind love affair....a ton of bliss coupled with a ton of pain. We fell in love on the first night. People say that that is an impossibility....but impossible is NOT a scientific term.

Naturally we didn't make it. He was 20 and I 23. He said that he had to discover life, and while discovering he didn't want to "hurt" me. I was crushed, because I didn't understand how he could turn away from what we felt. I spent my entire college career in love with him. I've spent the better part of my adult life comparing men to him. Not indulging in some good men who crossed my path, because they were fraternity brothers.....or because I was simply worried about what he would think....or I wanted to be "available" for that moment....you know the moment where he would come back for me. He never did.

We've been friends for years now, however things still aren't reciprocated. I often am left feel unappreciated. Used. Neglected. Today during meditation he came up. As I asked the question "how do I get ready?" the answer came that I had to say goodbye.
And so I did.

So this is the first day of this new and uncharted territory. For the past 10 years, I've been stuck in 2000...and today I have finally arrived in 2010. This is not an easy thing for me to do by far. this is not something I take lightly, or something I think will just disappear into thin air. However, it was certainly something that should have been done a while ago.

Things may not always end up the way you thought they would, but if you just sit in silence for a second...just a second....things will end up as they should!


One thing I know for sure is that if you don't create change, change will create you. Change is the essence of life. There is no reason to be afraid, rather I must be willing to surrender what I am for I will become. Change is inevitable....and I'm good with that!

LOVE & LIGHT

The Healer

Today is such a great day and it's only 9:59am. I feel it in everything. I see it in everything. Joy. Bliss. Smiles...already.

I meditated on happiness this morning and discovered what I have known since my creation. Happiness can never be found because it has never been lost. I remember when I used to say things like "I can't wait to be happy". I remember when I met my now best friend David and I posed that statement to him. His reply was baffling to me at the time. I barely understood it then, but in retrospect it almost makes me laugh. He said "why are you waiting to be happy? You just simply be happy and any reason NOT to be happy will dissipate."

I remember re-reading that over and over again, having no idea that it was all part of my reawakening. Funny sometimes how the Source works. There is no such thing as a coincidence at all. I am thankful for David's insight and friendship.

So today, I will focus on just smiling and being thankful to smile. Life is not without purpose.

Chin up!
Head to the sky!
Breathe!

LOVE & LIGHT

NOW

Every morning I send out a daily text message trying to motivate and inspire a few people around me. Funny how that started. My sister is going through some things in life and I started sending her quotes that I would read in the morning. Then every time someone would call me and we would talk, I would find that they were "lokking for something" and so I would add them onto the morning text. Snowball effect took place. Then for a few days I sent nothing. Not on purpose, but I just didn't know the impact that it had on people's lives....they would text me and ask if I was ok, and that's when I knew I was on to something.

Today after my morning meditation I sent out this:

Everyday you should reaafirm that 2010 will overflow with abundance and goodness in your life. Decide upon your goals. SPEAK THEM INTO THE NOW! Don't say "I will get" or "I have received" Instead say "I AM RECEIVING". Tape your affirmations to your mirror. See and believe as if they already exist. Stop thiking that you are powerless. HE made you in HIS image, so you are POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. Don't give up and don't give in. The best is waiting on you to just receive it NOW.

So many people think that they are powerfless. As if their life is on default and IT'S NOT! I so want the world to WAKE UP to the truth of it all. Nothing is as it seems.

Today I feel so refreshed. Not drained because the other night I was so fed up with the way I was feeling. The difference with it is that I now KNOW that I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THAT! It's always a choice. I used to think it was a necessary fact of life that would eventually pass.....but it passes when you DECIDE for it too. We are not without purpose. pain is inevitable, misery is OPTIONAL, but HAPPINESS IS OUR RIGHT!

Reboot.
Refresh.
RESTART.

Today is a GREAT day! (See how I spoke in the NOW:)

LOVE & LIGHT

Purpose

I've spent quite a bit of time pondering on some questions. For instance,
"why am I here?"
"What am I here for?"
"What is the 'right' path for me?"

Somedays I am more receptive to listen than others. Somedays I can move quicker than others. Somedays I feel like I am merely crawling.
Letting go of how you were raised to think things are is a challenge for me to say the least. I feel as if some of the things I need to release I just don't want to.....others go with ease.

Then I ponder on "what is EASY exactly". Wouldn't that be just another one of these human laws we created? There is no level of ease or difficulty with the Source or the Divine or the Universe, so why do we as humans make things harder than they have to be. Why do we wish to hold on to pain and worry and lack and limitation MORE SO than we wish to hold on to goodness, and bliss, and abundance? It's perplexing at best.

Really if you think about it, if we all stood together on this precipice NOTHING would be beyond our reach. Yet, people spend MORE time on the bad than the good. Think about how much more you here about this "devil" character tempting you and lurking around you, than you hear about the Source and His greatness. Makes no sense.

Today I open my arms as I have done so many times before and remove myself from the world's doom and gloom. It really all boils down to if I would rather stand alone in bliss, or be surrounded by familiar pain and suffering.

My days of the later are over. Delay is the only thing I have control over now. Delay of bliss. Delay of joy. Delay of purpose. One thing I know for sure is that I am NOT nor have I ever been a LAB RAT. I was not brought to this Earth at this time to endure pain and strife and to give a Higher Being His 7 laughs for the day. To think any thing other than this is insane to me. Taking the hard road is just completely insane.

Live
Now

It's what we all should be doing. It's time for me to REopen my eyes to the goodness and grace that I am surrounded by. The nightmare is not only no longer needed, however it is no longer wanted. I say YES. No matter how many steps I take back. No matter how many reminders i need. No matter how deep in the ground my knees dig. I'm ready. truly ready for this.

Afterall, it is the very reason I have chosen to come to be....SONIA.

LOVE & LIGHT

Storm Brewing....

Some days, most days, I am up very early in the morning looking for a quotation to begin my day with or to send out to my friends and family. Often times it's hard to put my finger on just one that sums up the way I feel inside or to find one that I believe will speak to the masses that I am trying to reach.

Today I found several.
“Some people wear their smile like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know 'cause I'm like that a lot. You think every thing's OK, and it is . . . 'till it's not.” Ani Difranco

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.” Buddha

To worry about tomorrow is to be unhappy today

They all spoke volumes to my heart! This year is going to be good, and I can feel it because already something is trying to emerge within me. I can't put a finger on it, I just know that when I'm alone and quiet it feels like a storm is raging inside. Like I can't place my finger on exactly the "problem" or even the solution for that matter. Something is just telling me that I am NOT on the right track. Whatever this feeling is, it's beckoning me to stop and regroup and to find another route.

This spiritual journey has not been easy for me. When I say "me", I am speaking of the transformation from who I was before to who I am becoming. I have lost a bunch of good people along the way, and have also been blessed to keep some good people too. I'm in so deep, I can hardly turn around now. Some days I wish I could. The days that I can't tell up from down....right to left.....front to back.....those are the days that I wish I had never stumbled across all of the materials and people responsible for assisting in waking me up. Funny thing is that I know that feeling only exist because I am prolonging something. Delaying it if you will.

So when I awoke this morning, I figured I would look for something to get me through this day peacefully. Did my own ground work, and hopefully I will be successful in filling myself up once again. Cause after all, there is truly no reason to delay this spiritual journey. As much as I sometimes wish I could go back.....I more so wish I could fast forward.

There is work to be done, and I will not digress. Standing firm and my feet are planted. LIFT ME UP!

LOVE & LIGHT

Sunday Morning Rain is fallin......

Oh it's one of those precious days. Gloomy, rain, cold, it's such a perfect day to be snuggled up. Perfect day to meditate. Perfect day to just be. Reflect upon the Now. re-center yourself. It's one of those days.

I believe today, I will catch up on some things that I should have taken care of a very long time ago. I will probably paint, and write, and read a bit. Just have an all around renaissance type time.

Find things and allow them to emerge from within. Face myself today. Work on some things to make myself better. Retreat into the lab, and like the rest of the world....allow somethings to take advantage of this rain, and GROW!

Love & Light

Smilin....

I was just jammin to my homeboi HD's song. An exclusive! It's so good. I can't wait til that kid makes it to where he sees himself being. He deserves it, and I hope the whole crew comes back to life. That would be good for them all. You should check him out. You can download his latest mixtape via this link here ----------> http://www.multiupload.com/0IC5AUPPCI


Let me know what you think of him. Or you can also check him out at www.myspace.com/thisismyentry

Let him know if you dig him. He's pretty good.

Today was a pleasant day. I was shocked to have received an email from an obviously very intuitive friend of mine named Kyle. Boy, that previous sentence was a run on. lol. I am thankful that he knew exactly what to say and when to say it. The most High is pleasant like that. That was the beginning of my shift. That's all it takes is a shift of consciousness. We all just need to hold on. Hold on to ALL that is good....and watch the increase.

Today and everyday, I AM THANKFUL!

Love & Light
** Thanks again Kyle.

Jogging Through My Head

LOL. My mind has been racing all day. Things are going on inside, and right now I just so happen to e in a "dark night." It's seems not too long ago, moments like this would literally BREAK ME DOWN to where I couldn't eat, I couldn't think, I wouldn't allow myself to smile....for weeks I kept up this crazy behavior. Thinking that that was what I was suppose to do....suppose to do. We are so programmed, don't be mistaken.

Any who, and now that time has moved on, and I have grown by leaps and bounds....things are a bit more "easier" to handle...they still hurt, but they make more sense. lol. Well, I guess "they make sense".......SOMETIMES.

It's been almost 9 months, and I can still feel him pull me to him before he fell fast asleep.

It's been almost 9months, and I can still see him sitting on the couch across from me concentrating on his current game with whomever he was playing on the Internet racing, and after he would win he would glance at me and just smile.

I remember that we didn't have to always be talking. We very much learned the art of just being. We learned so much from one another. We learned how to speak to one another. To go against the grain and show emotion. Show care. Show concern. Show joy.
It was always the little things. How I made him feel at home, and how me always let me know I was on his mind.
Then he was willing. I was just happy. Happy that I had finally met someone who understood me so thoroughly. The naps on the couch on a Sunday afternoon in between my sports lessons via NFL season. LOL I even remember the live games we would attend. Then I remember his birthday. That was a good day. SO many smiles.

Do I miss him? More than anyone could imagine. I just keep thinking...just one more day. if only I had had one more day. I would have stared a little longer. I would have touched a little softer. I would have made time stand still, just to have one more moment in that bliss.

I never said my post would all be "inspirational", only that if you read, I would write.
It just so happens I WRITE TRUTH.

LOVE & LIGHT

Dreaming

I had the most real dream last night. I've had some things on my mind lately, that I don't really want to share with people who know me, because I'm sure there thought to the situation would be the same thing..."STILL?"

The dream I dreamt was as if time picked up where my thoughts left it before sleep. It was so weird, but one of those dreams that you DON'T want to wake from. I was with a person that I care a great deal for.....STILL. It was surreal. he was there, and apologized out of the blue, and we laid and laughed and loved life as we used to do. Not many moons ago. As if our relationship played out in my dream.

When I finally woke up this morning, unaware that I was entering reality, I became instantly sad because my dream was over and more than that...IT WAS NOT REAL. I really had to catch myself because I felt as if I wanted to cry. I wanted so bad for this dream to be real, and when reality hit me......I didn't want to accept it. I ended up just getting out of bed and staring out of the window. At times, almost in tears.

Then I remembered how much I had to be thankful for, and a slight smile broke through. I picked up my journal and just begin to list the things that I am thankful for to shift my thoughts and also my mood. I even listed that I was able to see this person in my dreams as one of the things I am most thankful for.

I'm not sure if I can handle more of these dreams, or why I insist on even having them in the first place. Today I just know....that people are missed, however life does not end there and so I must keep on trucking. Light is seen at the end of the tunnel....and it's time to continue the voyage.

LOVE & LIGHT

Tunnel Vision

It saddens me how the world will help briefly then stop and go on with life. The devastation that has occurred in Haiti is beyond measure, yet people have donated $5 or $10 and have gone back to believing that their contribution will suffice. If that is the only thing one can do....by all means IT WILL SUFFICE. However, for most of us, more can be done and more should be done.

Imagine if your entire city was leveled.
YOUR ENTIRE CITY.

Imagine walking thru the streets and to the left and right of you there are nothing but bodies. Imagine that your loved ones or friends couldn't be identified, and were just burned before you could even get to them. Imagine your mother or brother or sister, or child were waiting for medical help and DIED a senseless death WAITING.

How can we stand by while this great tragedy is taking place....

FOR SOMEONE, THIS IS THEIR REALITY.

We must stand up, and stand together and help this nation. They have lost EVERYTHING.
How can $5 or $10 ever be enough?

WAKE UP!

LOVE & LIGHT

HAITI

We can't stand by and wait for these huge castrophes to occur before we take a stand to do something for the people who are less fortunate than us. It makes no sense. HAITI HAS BEEN IN NEED, why are we just turning to them to lend a hand now? People in our own neighborhoods...in our communities are in need NOW.

Let's not wait.
Let's make a difference.

Donate to Haiti.

Donate to a "M.O.V.E.M.E.N.T" near you!

Let's do the work!

LOVE & LIGHT

This whole situation in Haiti...

Reminds me of the whole Hurricane Katrina fiasco. I remember I was working in Journeys in Albany and I wanted to do something. There was this great force in me that just wanted to leave my job and drive over to Louisiana and help the people in need. I remember my dad and everyone telling me to calm down and I couldn't. In the end, we set up a "donation jar" where we asked for donations of change from our customers. We raised a little bit of money....but it was very rewarding.

There are so many people in the world that need help and it's a shame that it takes something like this for them to gain attention. The people of Louisianan were no different, they needed us BEFORE Katrina.

We've got to do better as a people to be individuals who don't just follow the status quot of things. There is power in numbers and WE THE PEOPLE always have the numbers....we just don't always stand up for the things that should be up under our feet.

We must do better~!

LOVE & LIGHT

AND PRAYERS TO THE PEOPLE OF HAITI

THANKFUL

I've been sick for almost the past 2 weeks. It's been a roller coaster of a ride, because I am a firm believer that sickness is of the mind. I too every kind of medicine that I could get my hands on. I called out of work. I layed down. I aired out my house. I did everything that I THOUGHT worked for me in the past.

The entire time, I knew that something was boggling my mind, but it was one of those things that I just couldn't put my hand on. It seemed to be a plethora of things rolled into a giant ball.

Last night, I decided to get back to basics and to listen to a CD while I slept, and began to consciously change my view on all the things I was focusing on. I have been less than satisfied with my current employer and have begun to just be angry about going to work knowing I would be greeted with a bunch of MESS as I walked thru the door. That anger spread into my life subconsciously, and I began to go against doing all the things that I know work in my life. Namely, I was n o longer thankful for all the blessings in my life.

So today, I feel better than I have in weeks. I feel alive and anew. I have made a CONSCIOUS effort to be thankful because contrary to what I was believing there is SO MUCH IN MY LIFE TO BE THANKFUL FOR. So many wonderful things that I can't even began to list on here for fear that I will run out of room. LOL

So today, I just want to remind anyone who reads this to NOT GIVE UP, and TO BE THANKFUL...mindfully THANKFUL of all the many wonderful blessings in your life. HAPPEN TO LIFE, don't sit back and wait for life to happen to you! SO many times we find it so much easier to fall into that rut of despair, but today RISE UP and smile.....

I am returning a VICTOR, letting go of the victim role. I hope you will too.

I can feel it in the AIR....

This year really has an air of excitement that is lingering with me. LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

There is so much I want to do and discover. First things first, I would love to travel again. I was born overseas, and would love to return to Europe and witness its beauty and history as an adult with these "new eyes" that I have. I so want to ride in a gondola along the streets of Venice, I want to throw my head back and exhale as I take in the sights of the Sistine Chapel, I want to see the sun set behind the mysterious pyramids of Eygpt. I just want to be in the center of history, and in the center of greatness.

This is one of my goals for 2010. Travel.

I would love to began performing again, and by the looks of things that will happen as well.
Oh there is so much hope and possibility for this year. It's in the air. It's in every breath that we take and every move we make. I pray that with each step we take, we do not leave ths feeling behind. My prayer is that we stay consistent in our lessons, in our lives, and in our hopes and dreams.

Life is a phenomenal trip.....and I am so ready to take the ride.

LOVE & LIGHT

Sickness is in the mind???

Being sick is never any fun. I hate it, and it seems that I have been sick this year more times than I have been in the past 7 years. Crazy. They say that DIS*EASE of any kind is in the mind.....I believe that. Today I am taking time out for me, to figure out why I have chosen to inflict this DIS*EASE (notice the break down of the word) upon myself.

That's pretty much it. I need to get back into bed...I can barely breathe or sit up straight. Even though I am under the weather I am thankful. I am thankful to be given this time to review my choices and make better ones where needed. I AM healed NOW.

Since I don't have much to share with you today, I will leave you with this quote. I dig it a bunch.

“Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away.” Robert Fulghum

LOVE & LIGHT

Clarity

This year is off to a fantastic start. Two of the biggest things that I needed to work on were/are FORGIVENESS & LETTING GO. Seems for some reason, I am able to do that suddenly. I suppose it's not so sudden though.

I entered this year with a great sense of clarity. A freed mind. Very peaceful, and I am extremely thankful. Man, 09 was filled to the brim with lesson after lesson after lesson. It sometimes seemed as if they would never end. I believe I'm at a point in my life now where I am more aware than I have ever been, and so the karmic lessons that come my way are analyzed a bit more closely so that I get the lesson this time and don't have to repeat it later. I am thankful for that. For having the desire to even want to take on a big challenge such as deal with past karma. Trust me it is not an easy feat.

Perhaps the fact that I am FEARLESS about facing this challenge is the reason I am so clear. The Source is a remarkable being, and I am THANKFUL that he sees me through.

I can feel the wonder and possibility in the air. I can feel the limitless nature of us all. I can feel the abundance floating. I can feel the shift taking place. This great shift of awareness. I can feel Mother earth breathing again. Her heartbeat pulsating like a thunderous clap. I can feel smiles and warmth. I can feel peace and possibility. I can see clearly......More clearly than I've been able to see in years!

LOVE & LIGHT

Finding Me......

I know sometimes I get this extremely lonely feeling. Sometimes I feel as if the weight of MY world is sitting on my shoulders and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I feel helpless. Sometimes I feel as if I am a failure. Sometimes I feel as if I don't if "right" was the turn I should have made. Sometimes I just don't know.

People around me always have seen so much in me. From the time I was a child I can remember my father telling me that I had a certain quality about me that would push me past the limit. Sometimes I wish no one expected anything of me, so that I could find it easier to find me.

Then there are the other days. The days filled with bliss. The days I meditate and can hear the Source speaking back to me. The days when I help someone and I feel as if I have saved the world. The days when I have all the right answers and all the right questions. The days where my chest is out. My arms are open and I simply yell up to the HEAVENS YES! Emphatically YES!

Funny thing is, the cloudy days are so few and far between, however those are the days I used to allow to make the greatest impression in my life. Why? They even creep into my sunny days without my permission, or so it would seem. Why? I don't think myself to be a gluten for punishment. I don't think myself to be a person of circumstance. If I am a pioneer.....I must keep trucking, right?

So today, I will focus on creating only what's good and LETTING GO of all else. There does not have to be a battle raging inside of me, because the reality of it all is that I can never be FOUND, because I was NEVER LOST. The mind can only fool you into believing that you must look outside yourself for that which is and forever will be inside of you. I am a creator - co creator to the SOURCE! AS ARE YOU! It doesn't matter if you "believe" or not......you are what you are. UNLIMITED, POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE, KING OF YOUR WORLD.......never forbidden, never forgotten, never alone....and NEVER LOST!

LOVE & LIGHT

GRATITUDE is the word for today.....

So many times we get so caught up in our everyday life of "wanting." We are programmed (don't be fooled)by television, magazines, and really society as a whole into believing that in order to be successful we must HAVE and GET more than our neighbors have or get. We all want the fancy cars, the jewelry, the nice house, we all want the life others will admire and stand back to envy us....but my question is "HOW IN THE WORLD IS THIS NORMAL?" & "WHEN YOU ARE IN THE BUSINESS OF GETTING AND HAVING - WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WORTH GETTING AT A COST SO HIGH?"

Keeping up with the Jones' was never my thing until I started working with a company in Atlanta about two years ago. I became friends with people who were driven by money, power and greed. You know the saying, "birds of a feather flock together..." So I myself was in no way exempt from the adjectives I just used to describe the people I worked for. I had the money, and shopped DAILY (my co-workers & ex will attest to that) and had $300 dinners and so on and so forth....but something inside of me was more miserable than I had ever been. Mind you, I have been through some trials in my life. All of which I am sure will come up in this blog at a later date, but it amazed me that I was not happy with the people I called friends, my job where I worked almost always 7 days a week (without being scheduled of course), and suddenly the money meant nothing as I was giving it all away to those around me in need anyway.

Without even knowing, I was pushing myself away from this misery and challenging myself to FIND A BETTER WAY! Then my second spiritual journey began...and WHOOOOOAAA my life began to "crumble" as I knew it. I was laid off for a bogus reason. The money was gone. I LET GO of the people I called friends, and even my mate at the time disappeared and I was all ALONE. Or so it would seem. Any other year, I would have curled up into a fetal position and played the victim role, but this time I decided to do something new. I began to work on me, and look for that which I "thought" was lost.

As I began to be THANKFUL for all that I had, more came. Whether it was insights, divine intervention, money, food, whatever the case may have been I received more. I began to walk with an attitude of gratitude. My steps were brighter. Most days I would find myself saying "thank you" as one foot took a step in front of the next. I would say "thank you" every time I walked into my garage and saw my car still there. Actually even when my car got repossessed and I was riding the Marta in the rain and would be drenched from Atlanta's famous sideways downtown rain pour, I would still find myself being thankful. (Car was returned...lol)And through that situation, I found a way to be thankful for the "bad" knowing that the lesson was mine to learn so that something new could emerge and be birthed through me.

So today, I remind you all to be aware of your attitude of gratitude. Be thankful not just for what you want, but more so be thankful for what YOU HAVE! Remember, the things you have now were once the things that you had only hoped, dreamed, wished, and prayed for. Count your blessings, you may find that you run out of numbers....

LOVE & LIGHT

JUST SPINNING MY WHEELS...

When I came home tonight, I started thinking about last year and how different things were for me. I was dating a very cool gentleman named "Z" and we had a good thing going. The winter was really our time. We would lock ourselves away for days on end inside of my apartment and rap about EVERYTHING. It was a time of change then, with President Obama running for president......and there was this sense of "anything being possible" in the air.

"Z" brought many smiles into my life. A great addition. Naturally things just dissipated. I couldn't tell you why......even now. I do miss him, but I am also sure that he must have been preparing me for what is to come. I learned a ton from him and I am thankful. There are no regrets, just wishes that I would have stared a little longer, laughed a little harder, and held on to our last hug a little longer! No matter what my mouth may say, he will always be loved by me.

So as I walk into my house tonight, alone, I started thinking about how many wonderful things GUYS say about me. Men who know me, knew me, and are getting to know me all say pretty much the same things. They all think I am a "catch of sorts" because of the woman I have grown to be, however whatever praise they usually give me ends in "but I'm not ready for you" or "I'm scared of you". It's all extremely appreciated, but those thoughts brought me to to this question: "If they all see the same treasure in me, why am I walking into my house ALONE? Because they 'fear' what I bring to the table?"

Now, for those of you who don't know me, I spent the better part of 09 contemplating and practicing letting go of the VICTIM role to become a VICTOR. So clearly the answer to the above question is this.....Though some of them have been jewels in my eyes, they weren't the treasure I should have been searching for. Mind you, I have met some GREAT, GREAT men. Two in particular that I can name now, but all in all I have been blessed to have been in good company.

So for now, I will make my own tea, create my own smiles, and imagine the mate who will be a great addition to my mind, body, soul and PURPOSE. All things happen for a reason, and never think you are alone in your thoughts. This time that I have been GRANTED is time that I shall use wisely and spend much of it on ME! Preparing myself for my life partner, for my kids and grandkids. Becoming a better friend, daughter, person...woman....SPIRITUAL BEING! So isn't that a blessing. Many will say in "disguise" but I would beg to differ.

I suppose this entry is specifically for the ladies, who like me, are "getting older "(whatever that means) and watching the friends they grew up with get married and settle down. To you I say this (as well as to myself)...The Source doesn't work in time, that's something we humans created....so be patient. Be faithful. BELIEVE, DREAM, & IMAGINE. He's coming.......

Now let's get this tea brewed and this smile cracking....

LOVE & LIGHT!

A NEW DAY!

I figure the beginning of the year is the best place to begin this journey. I have been told for a while now that I should WRITE! Mostly a book, but we shall see what is to come of this venture.
So many new opportunities in store for so many great people. I can FEEL IT! Life is anew for me, as if I am looking through a pair of new eyes. I am elated to have been given this chance to say YES to the possibilities that are at hand.

I am throwing my maps to the old trails away and beginning NOW. I am not interested in the road less traveled, nor am I interested in the road that everyone is on. I am a pioneer! I am the master of my own house, captain of my own ship, and the wind that blows....the lovely wind of change that has me wrapped so gently in the mix is the Ineffable.

Today I discover me and hope that you too take it upon yourself to rediscover you! The real you! Leave the programmed person you've known this long behind. Leave them exactly where they are. Do not allow them back into your house, or car, or LIFE! Let them be. They have not gotten you far obviously, so they are of no use to you! Instead, let's embark upon something new. Something never seen, named, or discovered. Let's look for that diamond.....Let's find that treasure. Let's be brilliantly lit regardless of what things may come....Let's be the reminder for each other, that we are today, tomorrow, and forever...nothing less than GREAT!
Love & Light