JUST SPINNING MY WHEELS...

When I came home tonight, I started thinking about last year and how different things were for me. I was dating a very cool gentleman named "Z" and we had a good thing going. The winter was really our time. We would lock ourselves away for days on end inside of my apartment and rap about EVERYTHING. It was a time of change then, with President Obama running for president......and there was this sense of "anything being possible" in the air.

"Z" brought many smiles into my life. A great addition. Naturally things just dissipated. I couldn't tell you why......even now. I do miss him, but I am also sure that he must have been preparing me for what is to come. I learned a ton from him and I am thankful. There are no regrets, just wishes that I would have stared a little longer, laughed a little harder, and held on to our last hug a little longer! No matter what my mouth may say, he will always be loved by me.

So as I walk into my house tonight, alone, I started thinking about how many wonderful things GUYS say about me. Men who know me, knew me, and are getting to know me all say pretty much the same things. They all think I am a "catch of sorts" because of the woman I have grown to be, however whatever praise they usually give me ends in "but I'm not ready for you" or "I'm scared of you". It's all extremely appreciated, but those thoughts brought me to to this question: "If they all see the same treasure in me, why am I walking into my house ALONE? Because they 'fear' what I bring to the table?"

Now, for those of you who don't know me, I spent the better part of 09 contemplating and practicing letting go of the VICTIM role to become a VICTOR. So clearly the answer to the above question is this.....Though some of them have been jewels in my eyes, they weren't the treasure I should have been searching for. Mind you, I have met some GREAT, GREAT men. Two in particular that I can name now, but all in all I have been blessed to have been in good company.

So for now, I will make my own tea, create my own smiles, and imagine the mate who will be a great addition to my mind, body, soul and PURPOSE. All things happen for a reason, and never think you are alone in your thoughts. This time that I have been GRANTED is time that I shall use wisely and spend much of it on ME! Preparing myself for my life partner, for my kids and grandkids. Becoming a better friend, daughter, person...woman....SPIRITUAL BEING! So isn't that a blessing. Many will say in "disguise" but I would beg to differ.

I suppose this entry is specifically for the ladies, who like me, are "getting older "(whatever that means) and watching the friends they grew up with get married and settle down. To you I say this (as well as to myself)...The Source doesn't work in time, that's something we humans created....so be patient. Be faithful. BELIEVE, DREAM, & IMAGINE. He's coming.......

Now let's get this tea brewed and this smile cracking....

LOVE & LIGHT!